Rules in Texas

Discussion in 'Public General Chat' started by Frag, Sep 11, 2008.

  1. Frag
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    ~RULES IN TEXAS~


    1. PULL YOUR DROOPY PANTS UP. YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.


    2. TURN YOUR CAP RIGHT, YOUR HEAD ISN'T CROOKED.


    3. LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT; IT'S CALLED A 'DIRT ROAD.' I DRIVE A PICKUP TRUCK BECAUSE I WANT TO. NO MATTER HOW SLOW YOU DRIVE, YOU'RE GOING TO GET DUST ON YOUR LEXUS. DRIVE IT OR GET OUT OF THE WAY.


    4. THEY ARE CATTLE. THEY'RE LIVE STEAKS. THAT'S WHY THEY SMELL FUNNY TO YOU. BUT THEY SMELL LIKE MONEY TO US. GET OVER IT. DON'T LIKE IT? I-40 GOES EAST AND WEST, I-287 GOES NORTH AND SOUTH. PICK ONE.


    5. SO YOU HAVE A $60,000 CAR. WE'RE IMPRESSED. WE HAVE $150,000 CORN PICKERS AND HAY BALERS THAT ARE DRIVEN ONLY 3 WEEKS A YEAR.


    6. SO EVERY PERSON IN RURAL TEXAS WAVES. WE THINK OF IT AS BEING FRIENDLY. TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT.


    7. IF THAT CELL PHONE RINGS WHILE AN 8-POINT BUCK AND 3 DOES ARE COMING IN, WE WILL SHOOT IT OUT OF YOUR HAND. YOU BETTER HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE IT UP TO YOUR EAR AT THE TIME.


    8. YEAH, WE EAT TATERS & GRAVY, BEANS & CORNBREAD. WE FRY OUR FISH AFTER CATCHIN' 'EM'. YOU REALLY WANT SUSHI & CAVIAR? IT'S AVAILABLE AT THE CORNER BAIT SHOP.


    9. THE 'OPENER' REFERS TO THE FIRST DAY OF DEER SEASON. IT'S A RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY HELD ON THE 1ST OF NOVEMBER.


    10. WE OPEN DOORS FOR WOMEN. THAT IS APPLIED TO ALL WOMEN, REGARDLESS OF AGE.

    11. NO, THERE'S NO 'VEGETARIAN SPECIAL' ON THE MENU. ORDER STEAK. OR YOU CAN ORDER THE CHEF'S SALAD AND PICK OFF THE 2 POUNDS OF HAM & TURKEY.


    12. WHEN WE FILL OUT A TABLE, THERE ARE THREE MAIN DISHES: MEATS (INCLUDES FISH), VEGETABLES, AND BREADS. WE USE FOUR SPICES: SALT, PEPPER, HOT SAUCE AND KETCHUP.



    13.DONT LIKE IT? AGAIN..... NORTH SOUTH EAST AND WEST ..... GET THE FUCK OUT!
     
  2. PhoenixDog
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    This exact same thing was sent to me by my ex's parents describing the Ontario Country-side ;)

    And it still holds true up here. Except for the highway names.
     
  3. Frag
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    Word pdog. Country folks??...lol FTW
     
  4. XShrike
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    I-287 is in New Jersey. The major N-S interstate in Texas is 35. Although it mentions I-40 which would probably place this ranter in Amarillo. The N-S there is US-87 and US-287, they merge.

    The whole food part would be depended on what part of Texas you are in.
     
  5. Priezt
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    Yay! More Texas people!

    And someone who's read HHGG... /swoon
     
  6. Earley
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    That dawg won't hunt.
     
  7. mercsan
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    texas is gay. honestly.
     
  8. Frag
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    In the U.S. state of Texas, U.S. Highway 287 is a U.S. Highway that begins on the Gulf Coast in Port Arthur and heads north through Fort Worth, northwest to Childress, Clarendon, and Amarillo in the Texas Panhandle and into Oklahoma near Kerrick.


    mercsan is gay. Honestly. :eek:
     
  9. Secksy
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    I've lived in Texas all my life. Thinking Texas is all country is stereo typical and clearly where I live (Houston) none of those rules apply.

    /rant.

    ...Sorry, I get cranky sometimes >_>
     
  10. Xamiazi
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    Texas is actually really nice, i moved from oakland, california to Norman, Okalahoma to attend the University here, and my gf is from texas, Frisco actually and i must say it is really really nice. Even Huston when i went down to compete there is really civilized and nice.

    As far as i know, Texas isnt like i thought when i think of Texas, its actually quite badass from what i have seen.
     
  11. Kyoji
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    the only thing is texas are steers and queers and boy you dont look like no steer to me. :p

    wonder where that slogan came from?
     
  12. The Communist
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    YAY TEXAS!
     
  13. Earley
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    Texans are the best. Texas can bite my ass.

    Did you guys know it's further from Texarkana to El Paso than from El Paso to Los Angeles?
     
  14. As if "Texas" means anything. Arbitrary.
     
  15. Earley
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    Texas, which can bite my ass, is everything within the political borders of Texas. It's biggest flaws are:

    1. Weather literally uninhabitable by humans. Insane heat, and humidity levels that prevent wind from evaporating sweat from skin, which stops the heat exchange that cools your skin off from happening. So you always stink, even if you take seven showers a day. Drying off in the bathroom from a shower makes you stink and need another shower.

    2. There's only one natural lake in Texas, out of hundreds of man-made ones. Bonus points: someone name the only natural lake in Texas.

    3. Bugs. Every kind of ugly, giant, ravenous, poisonous or otherwise annoying and lame bug in existence haunts this hell hole. Snakes too, but they don't merit thier own entry.

    4. Size. Too big to get around. in any other state, if you drive three hours in a given direction you're probably in another state, not counding California and Alaska, which have the same problem.

    Best thing about Texas:

    TEXANS. They rock. I love Texans. Hell, I am one so how could I not love us? Too bad the land itself is such weaksauce.

    Earley
     
  16. Priezt
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    It is, indeed, quite badass. Where else in the states can you get sandy beaches, rolling plains, pine forests, mountains and desert steppe all in one place? Hell yes, Texans think of it as nearly a whole different country -- it's not only just the size of one -- but it's a place with very different local law than almost anywhere else you'll ever be. You're right, Secksy, it's not all country, but the country flavor is undeniably steeped into everything that is Texas.

    Admittedly, I'm a transplant from Pennsylvania and I love the East Coast like it was a second home, but there is something about living here that just makes you want to call it home.
     
  17. Secksy
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    *long distance high five*

    Indeed. But it depends on the area. We here in the city are kinda.... meh. Boring.

    Texans ourselves are pretty awesome.
    Everything else you get tired of realllllllly quick.
     
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2008
  18. XShrike
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    Texas is also separate from most of the country's power grid. The US power grid is broken up into East, West, and Texas.
     
  19. Secksy
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    This made me lol for some reason.
     
  20. Lev
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    America is the new Texas, guess the connotations of that.
     

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