[Original Novel] Writers Block

Discussion in 'Creative Writing, Graphics, Movies, etc.' started by Secksy, Nov 19, 2008.

  1. Secksy
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    http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/view/487969/

    1) It is a safe link, only my story is displayed. So don't let the 'yaoi' thing scare you.
    2) I require feedback to grow as a writer, please critique.
    3) One of the longest chapters I've ever done.
    4) Has not been proofread yet.
    5) Chapters 1-5 are completed. However, for the time being only chapter one will be posted.
     
  2. Roch The Shaman
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    havnt read all of it got down to the prostitute part and its been pretty good so far

    "You when you wake up in the morning and you can just tell something isn’t right?"

    that sentence right after the prostitute part doesnt flow good, it confuses me as well as on down when Henry goes out of ear shot and the dialog switches to Paul being "I" and Sharon talking to each other was hard to understand the change of prespective, at least for me

    overall this is a really good story so far keep posting every time you come out with a new chapter i would like to keep reading it
     
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2008
  3. Secksy
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    http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/view/494100/
    CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2 CHAPTER 2
     

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