Humor (sick, dry or otherwise)

Discussion in 'Public General Chat' started by -=[OD]=-, Oct 3, 2008.

  1. -=[OD]=-
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    A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

    'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night?'


    The husband looks up from his coffee, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?' he asks solemnly.


    The wife is almost reduced to tears herself, just thinking how caring and sensitive her husband is. 'Yes, I do' she replies.


    The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your dad caught us in the back seat of my car?'


    'Yes, I remember,' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.


    The husband continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'


    'I remember that, too' she replies softly.


    He wipes another tear from his cheek and says....'I would have gotten out today.'





    WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?
     
  2. A woman walked into a pharmacy and told the pharmacist that she needed some cyanide.
    The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
    The woman said she needed it to poison her husband.
    The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord have mercy, I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license and they'll throw you and me in jail. Leave and forget you ever came in here before I call the police."
    The woman reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
    The pharmacist looked at the picture and said, "Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
     
  3. Lev
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  4. A drunk knocks at the door at night... (PG)


    A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over.

    Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

    So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk.

    "Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"

    "No, get lost. It's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened.

    She says, "That wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost??"

    "But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

    "It doesn't matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be the Christian thing to help him."

    So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts "Hey, do you still want a push??"

    And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah, please."

    So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"

    The drunk replies, "Over here, on the swing---- "
     
  5. The Communist
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    Nice stories where do you find them?
     
  6. Gyuniku
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  7. -=[OD]=-
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  8. eel
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  9. Roch The Shaman
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    lol im loving this youtube thing lol
     

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